Friday, May 27, 2016

Moving to New York City for my Health and Happiness

It looks like I may have to leave the Emerald City and head to the Big Apple if I want to be healthy and treated with deference.  Still, there may be a hiccup.

First, New York City is bound and determined to make people healthier.  From trying to ban Big Gulps and other large containers of delicious soda, the city has now moved on to salt.  If restaurant owners don't put little icons on their menus next to any salty items, they can be fined as much as $600.  Bad seasonings! Bad!

I just know the time is coming when the city will go after butter, and then it's on.  Oh yes, it's on.

Second, the city is going all out to make sure no one is discriminated against based on their gender identity, going so far as to list 31 different gender identities, just to make sure people are educated on these fast-growing segments of society.

And now, the hiccup.  I'm gender salted.  Salt is not just delicious, it's a necessity to make bland food edible and good food great.  And don't get me started on iodine!

So, on the one hand, the city wants to protect my gender expression, but at the same time stigmatizes the use of salt as unhealthy.  Unhealthy!  That's what they said about a lot of gender expressions that don't neatly conform to their cisgender normatives.

At some point, all these new regulations are bound to lead to conflict.  What if a gender salted person wants a salty cupcake that the baker won't provide for health reasons or to comply with a city ordinance.  Who gets prosecuted in that instance?

I should mention I am also devoted to Diet Coke - is that a subset of gender fluid?  I'm not sure, it's so difficult to keep up with all of the definitions.  So let's just call it gender DC.  When some surly waiter asks, "Is Pepsi okay," is that a violation, merely disrespect, or just poor restaurant management?

We didn't have these problems when Rudy was mayor.

For now, it's probably best to just stay here in the Emerald City, where we get up at 12 and start to work at 1, take an hour for lunch and then at 2 we're done.  

(Opens Diet Coke and bag of especially salty chips).  Ah, life is good.

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