The Hilarious World of John Cherry

SNL? Forget it. Family Guy? Boring.

If you really want to laugh, tune into the hilarious world of John Cherry.

That Cherry is running for governor is a given, but his pre-announcement committee is called "A Whole Lot of People Supporting John Cherry." It's like a supermarket generic name -- a white box with black lettering -- and shows there is no limit to the dumbing down of the political process.

The Detroit News has an article today titled, "Cherry has image problem in bid to be next Michigan governor." No kidding! The article's thesis is that Cherry is "widely recognized by experts as the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination for governor. But among voters, Lt. Gov. John Cherry is barely recognized at all." Again, no kidding! He's 35 points behind that noted statesperson, Debbie Stabenow, in polling among Democrats and, when voters are not read a list of names, they manage to dredge up Cherry a whopping 9 percent of the time.

This is a frontrunner?

But the fun doesn't stop there! In the same article, the author says Cherry is "respected by leaders of both parties and is known around the state capital as a smart behind-the-scenes public policy wonk who has learned during 20 years in the Legislature and six years as lieutenant governor how to broker deals."

A public policy wonk! The Random House Dictionary gives three definitions for "wonk":

1. a student who spends much time studying and has little or no social life; grind.
2. a stupid, boring, or unattractive person.
3. a person who studies a subject or issue in an excessively assiduous and thorough manner: a policy wonk.

Which one of these conveys the News' intended meaning?

Of course, all Democrats are considered geniuses by the media, so here is Cherry being described as the quiet genius, laboring behind the scenes to accomplish . . . uh, what, exactly?

Here's how a couple of admirers describe Cherry. The Port Huron Times Herald opined on January 2, 2009:

[Cherry] served in the Legislature for 20 years and understands how things get done.

On February 24, 2008, the Associated Press fawned:

Cherry has led efforts to bring about many of the changes Granholm wants and has helped decide what those goals should be. He headed a task force that led to the creation of a plan to double the number of college graduates and was a key negotiator during last year's epic struggle to raise taxes and balance the state budget. As the Senate's presiding officer, he cast rare tie-breaking votes for tax increases.

Wow. He was in the legislature for 20 years, and he voted for tax increases and helped to implement the Granholm agenda. Amazingly, he puts this stuff on his website! What a sense of humor!

Can't you picture Cherry and his pals sitting around, laughing about his candidacy:

Minion: "Tell us again, LG, what you put on your website."

Cherry: "You won't believe this -- I put on there that I voted to raise taxes and worked FOR Jenny's agenda!" (Wild laughter)

Minion: "Oh no, you didn't! You are crazy, man -- what next?"

Cherry: "Hey, I'm making this up as I go along. Still, it's working -- I'm the frontrunner." (Wild laughter)

Minion: "How about if we blame everything on Engler?"

Cherry: "Brilliant! Pour me another one." (Wild laughter)

Oh, man, I can't take it anymore. These guys are killing me! Only an expert comedian would run on an economic record that has us heading toward 15 percent unemployment and perhaps higher, with ballooning budget deficits, higher taxes, and the systematic destruction of our entrepreneurial spirit.

On his website, under "His Vision for Michigan," Cherry has a picture of a windmill.

Stop it, already!